I was getting coffee with my old buddy Jared this morning and as we are both about to graduate in a little over a month, we started to reminisce and share about our feelings of melancholy. This kind of interaction has been happening between other graduating seniors and myself for a little while now so I thought I would compose my thoughts on this and share a little bit about what it's like to be on the "precipice looking over the edge" between what we culturally consider the defining point of college student and full blown adult.
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| Freshman year, after getting in a debate with the Chief Engineer for Clif Bars at the Chancellors house for dinner |
One of the topics we discussed over coffee this morning was the comparison of how time seems to work. Recalling freshman year, in hind sight, everything seemed new. A new place, new friends, new experiences, new lifestyles, new habits, new freedoms, etc. This in turn creates a place in our memory where things move slowly, perhaps an effect of having so much change to remember. It feels like the first month of college lasted a lifetime and had within it a lifetime of changes and memories. Comparing that feeling now with one month to go, I know that it will be my time in college will be over in the snap of a finger. In fact I might as well be graduating tomorrow, mentally speaking. So the question here is: how do I live in the moment and avoid passing through time as if it didn't matter? Unarguably, what we do every single moment of every single day matters. If I wanted to, I could binge watch TV and YouTube every day till the end of college and realistically be just fine GPA wise. That would be terrible for my soul though as the sloth would undoubtedly destroy me. At the same time, trying to MAXIMIZE every single second of every day to be either packed with work/hobbies/socializing/prayer/adventuring or deep sleep to recover for round 2 would be equally bad because I would not have time to "slow down and smell the roses."
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| Stacking rocks around in March of 2020. |
The answer here is to make the last month feel like the first month. It will come and go as time passes. What I did then I should recall to do now: live in the moment, don't go to crazy but also don't be lazy. There is a happy medium. It is in fact the call of Catholicism. To not be rooted in the past or overly concerned about the future. Our Lord calls us to the challenge of each day. I read this morning Luke 8:22-25 and about Jesus calming a storm at sea. This story perhaps applies to my struggle here and provides advice. The disciples in the boat were extremely worried about sinking and dying in the storm. In their worry though, they forgot about what they learned from the past and what they were aiming for in the future. In the past, they had witnessed a great many miracles of Jesus and knew his power. In the future, well, they were crossing the sea to do God's work and spread the Gospel. In the moment of crisis though they forgot all about it and wake a sleeping Jesus to save them. Jesus responds to them "Where is your faith." It had disappeared. They needed reminding about how to act in the present! In my own life I can see this playing out pretty similarly. I'm tempted to fanaticize about the future with my new job and finally not being broke or to live in the memories of my past and complain about how this lifestyle will pass away. Much like the disciples though it is because of my weak and fallen nature that I struggle. Much like the disciples, it is God who can calm the waters and guide me to where I need to be.
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| Senior in College, last first day. |
If you are a graduating senior, then these are unavoidable thoughts and feelings. Let me know what you think!
All the best,
John Rausch
AMDG
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